Please Don't Make Me Do This
by TakeOut
Summary: This is Edward’s point of view of the scene in the Forest where he tells Bella he’s leaving. The middle of chapter 3 ‘The End’ in New Moon, but in EPOV.
1. Chapter 1

**This is Edward's point of view of the scene in the Forest where he tells Bella he's leaving; the middle of chapter 3 'The End' in New Moon.**

**I wanted to try and write Edward's point of view of the exact scene, meaning most, if not all, the dialogue used has been taken from New Moon between pages 66 and 73. Which means I do not own it, like I don't own Twilight.**

EPOV

It had been two days. Two days of ignoring Bella, of the emptiness and hatred that engulfed me, of knowing the answer to the decision I least wanted to make. The decision that would rip me apart and be the worst thing I would ever do; not only to myself but to Bella. I knew though, that this was for the best. There was no other way.

I waited for Bella in the school parking lot. What must she be thinking of my remoteness? Was she frustrated with me? She must be. Maybe she was just going along with it, presuming I was just depressed about her birthday and that I would snap out of it. How wrong she was.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked as we walked to her truck. I already knew the answer she'd give.

"Of course not"

Bella needed to post a letter but I offered to do it seeing as I would still beat her home. I drove to the mailbox and wondered whether the thought of what I was about to do had crossed her mind. Perhaps she could see it coming and was just trying to make the most of the time we had together. I doubted it. Knowing Bella, if she had thought about it, she would have told me. Told me not to do it, told me I was being ludicrous. The only thing that was ludicrous was for me to think this could have ever worked. It was ridiculous for me to have taken her to my home. A house full of vampires. What kind of brainless idiot would do that to someone they loved? Well now I was paying the price. The price for my selfishness and stupidity. A life without Bella; it was no life at all.

I could hear Bella's truck drawing nearer. Taking a deep breath, not that I needed it, I stepped out of my car. I had parked in Charlie's normal place as I did not intend on being here when he arrived home. Bella seemed to notice this from the frown she wore on her face. I took the few steps needed to meet her at the place where she got out of her truck. I took her bag from her, but unlike other days I placed it back in the Chevy.

"Come for a walk with me?" I asked in monotone, but took her hand all the same. Bella stayed silent so I started walking towards the forest, leading the way.

I stopped and leaned against the nearest tree once I had taken a handful of paces into the woodland. So this was it. I was really going to tell her. No, I couldn't believe that this was going to be the end. _I love you Bella. Dammit I love you. The only reason I__'__m doing this is because you mean the world to me. More than the world, you mean everything._

The only way I could possibly make this work was to close off my emotions so she wouldn't see the immense pain that filled me in these next few minutes.

"Okay, let's talk." She sounded almost confident. Did she really want to hear what I had to say that badly?

"Bella, we're leaving," I used the same nonchalant voice as before.

"Why now? Another year-." I could understand that she might have questions, but why didn't she sound upset? And why would she ask that question? Surely if we were leaving, she would want us to leave now before she could get more involved and less hurt. I didn't understand.

"Bella, its time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

Now she was the one to wear the confused expression. Had I not been clear enough? I told her my family and I was leaving. Leaving Forks. Leaving her. I'd explained it to her in the most honest way I could. Of course excluding the main reason for forcing my family to leave the place I would now consider home. Home, because this was the place where Bella was.

She just stared at me and I gave her the hostile look that hid my true feelings. A swift look of sickness then appeared across her face.

"When you say _we_-," Bella whispered. Oh shit! I can't believe she thought I meant us, her included. This was worse than I could have imagined, now it would hurt her even more. _Oh Bella, please don__'__t make me do this._

"I mean my family and myself," I said the words slowly, hoping that Bella would interrupt me at a point so that I wouldn't have to finish. But she just watched me speak the words and then began to shake her head as she didn't comprehend what I was telling her.

I waited for her to say something, anything. At this time I didn't know whether I would have liked to hear her thoughts or not. On one hand I wish I knew what she was thinking because of her silence, but on the other I knew that I might not be able to cope with what was running through her mind.

"Okay, I'll come with you." _No Bella. Stop doing this. _I tried to make my excuse seem plausible but it just sounded so fake in my head.

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella." Well this was no lie. If only Bella could see this and realise how absurd she was being for wanting us to be together.

"Don't be ridiculous." She sounded almost desperate, like she didn't truly believe the words. Why did it hurt? This was what I wanted, after all, wasn't it? "You're the very best part of my life." _No Bella, I__'__m not. I__'__m not._

"My world is not for you," I said letting some of the sorrow escape from me.

"What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" Her mind was thinking, running through everything that had happened, trying to see what had made me make this decision.

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected." _That_ day. I should never have risked it. What was I thinking? It was her birthday for God's sake!

"You promised!" She started. Her voice was strained and I'd hoped she wouldn't have remembered what I had told her. "In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-"

"As long as that was best for you," I cut her off, finishing off the promise I had made her those months ago. I was following it through. However much she may not like it at this moment, I was doing the right thing. The right thing for Bella.

"_No!__"_She yelled. "This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- its yours already!"

I breathed in deeply to remind myself why I was doing this. _It__'__s all for you Bella. It__'__s all for you. _I had to make her see. She had to let me go, even if it meant lying to her. The biggest lie I could ever tell her. The one that would hurt the most. She would see through me the first time. But if I repeated it, kept telling her, maybe she would believe it, believe me. Not that I wanted her to, it would kill me for her to think that I did not love her. But she had to believe it, she had to. It was the best thing for Bella.

I focused on the leafy floor, making my eyes cold and set my jaw hard. I had to lie. I was going to lie. _I__'__m so sorry Bella._

I looked up at pleading face, "Bella, I don't want you to come with me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Once again, most, if not all, the dialogue used has been taken from New Moon between pages 66 and 73. I do not own this, as well as the fact that I don't own Twilight.**

EPOV

I looked up at her pleading face, "Bella, I don't want you to come with me." The words tore through me. I had never wanted it to come to this. I watched her face take in the new information. She was silent for a few moments, moments that felt like days.

"You… don't… want me?" The way she said the words didn't seem right. I had to make her believe I was telling the truth.

"No." It was a sharp, fierce answer.

Bella just stared into my eyes, which I knew were a mask, a barrier that was hiding everything. How lifeless they must look. I couldn't bear to look at her properly, to read her expression or see the emotion on her face.

"Well, that changes things." _What?_ Didn't she grasp what I had just said? She was so calm and…_understanding. _

I had to look away at the sudden hurt I felt. Could she give up on us that easily? And then came more lies. More meaningless words made up into false sentences that sounded so untrue as I spoke them. But speak them I did.

"Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change." I guess it wasn't all lies, I mean it's true that the other night did make me see sense. "Because I'm…_tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I looked at her, showing my gold, inhuman eyes forcefully, to try to make her understand what I was letting my mouth say. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that." My apology didn't sound sincere in the slightest, just another part of this deceitful speech.

"Don't." If I were human I would have barely heard her, but if I were human I would not have to be doing this. I looked at Bella and suddenly felt such sadness sweep over me but I quickly covered it up by putting on the emotionless mask and made my eyes go as distant as I possibly could, it was so swift she didn't even notice.

"Don't do this," she completed the statement she had started, but her voice was so quiet and unconvincing like she didn't believe in it herself.

"You're no good for me Bella." My selfish reply made me inwardly hate myself. How could I do that to her, make her feel like she was undeserving. _My Bella. _But she wasn't mine. She never would be. I was the one who didn't deserve _her_.

Her mouth opened as if to say something but she closed it again before any words were spoken. Consequently making me remember how her mind was closed off from me; how I had never, and would never, know her concealed thoughts.

"If… that's what you want." I nodded, it was the only answer I could give at that moment as she accepted the fact that this was the end.

I remembered the promise I had wanted her to make me. A final parting gift, so to speak. "I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much."_Of course it__'__s too much you self-centred bastard, anything she does for you is too much. _Bella's eyes were questioning for a moment, and I realized how much I loved her when she looked like that. I instantaneously composed my face as the vacant expression I had been hiding behind slipped.

"Anything," she assured. Her voice made my cold heart warm and I could not pull my eyes away from hers that were staring so intently.

I let my emotion out into the words I spoke to her, "Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I willed her to see my concern and to do as I asked. I could not bear it if anything happened to her, especially if it was of her own accord. She nodded silently as I had done before. I made the serene features return to my face. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you." This was no lie, Charlie did need her, but it was not the real reason for my anxiety over her. "Take care of yourself -for him." I added at the end, reinforcing my message.

She nodded and whispered, almost inaudibly, "I will." I then told her my part of the bargain. The part that would be most hardest for me but hopefully make this whole thing easier on Bella. _This_ part I had rehearsed. "And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." Bella looked faint and distant. Her eyes looked far away as if she wasn't focusing on anything in particular.

It was coming to the end. The end of the time I would ever have with Bella. I tried to make things easier for her. "Don't worry. You're human- your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." But mainly I was just trying to convince myself.

"And your memories?" she responded, not seeming to able to speak properly. _No, don__'__t think about me Bella._

"Well," I didn't know how to answer. I couldn't keep lying to her. "I won't forget," I started truthfully._ I could never forget. _"But my _kind_… we're very easily distracted." I smiled at her to trying to cover the hideous thing I had just said. Nothing would ever distract me from Bella, I knew she would be in every thought I ever had.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again," I said whilst taking a small step back; the first of many to come, away from Bella.

"Alice isn't coming back." I had said 'we' without thinking, but I suppose I would have had to tell her anyway. It was just me now, and once I left she would not see any of us again.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" It seemed as though she couldn't believe it. Whereas before her voice was breaking, it was now blunt. In the last few moments her body had looked like it was lifeless and her frail structure seemed as if it was about to crumble. What had I done to her? _She'll be fine. A couple of weeks to adjust and she will be back to her normal self._

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." Her beautiful eyes appeared to think this over._ Oh how I love those beautiful eyes._

"Goodbye Bella." I said my farewell quietly and calmly. I was sure she would have something to say, I needed to hear her just once more.

"Wait!" It sounded as if it was the only word she could manage. _No Bella, I'm leaving, please don't beg. _Her arms stretched forward towards me and I had to respond by seizing her tiny wrists and holding them down. I could not go, though, without a final kiss I knew at that moment. So I slowly bent my head down to hers, breathing in her glorious scent for the final time and ever so gently had my lips make contact with her beautiful forehead. It was only brief because I knew if it lasted any longer then I would get carried away, and all the hurt both Bella and I had gone through today would be for nothing.

"Take care of yourself." I spoke my last words to Bella, tearing my stone heart and then ran as fast as I could through the forest trying to make the agony stop.

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**Yes, this is where I'm ending. Thank you for reading, I hope**** you liked it. Oh, and please review. x**

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